Thank you for coming this far.  You must really suck at Quake.

The following is a detailed description of what kind of a Quake

player you are depending on how you answered, and how you can improve.


a)    If you answered mostly or all a) you have something

wrong with you.  A lot of people think they are Satan but most of

them are just kidding around.  You are a Satanist.   Anyway, try not to

yell stuff about Satan and focus on the game.  Do not, I repeat, Do not

run around the level shooting you shotgun or phaser.   You are going to

get yourself killed, repeatedly!  Try using tactics of one of the other

groups of players we have portrayed, even the camper -well, maybe

not the camper.


b)     Well you should have no problem beating the other guys.

Maybe a little more practice will do the trick.    Make sure do

everything "b)" says accurately.  There are a lot of look-alikes

make sure you do it right.  You are a good defensive and offensive,

heads-up player who is aggressive, but not too much.   You use

your resources efficiently.  Good Luck, and have fun.


c)     You have to lay off the crack a little.  You don't seem like my

friendly next-door neighbour.  You are OVER-AGGRESSIVE!

You fire your biggest weapons to kill a spider on the wall with two health

even when that was your last one.  You go for the kill, nothing less! (and not

much more either.  You'll do fine as long as you get a few defences and

maybe get some health when your down to buck shot and three health

while a big hairy guy if firing rockets like the rocket launcher was a sub-

machine gun.


d)     HA!  There is NO way YOU are going to WIN!

Why bother playing, it doesn't seem you like the game anyway.

Maybe your afraid someone will mess up your hair, or worse you'll

break a nail (and not by firing one at the wall) sissy!   Your a camper,

that's all I can say.  Your not a sniper.  Snipers do not sit in a hole.

They gain the best possible lookout point for defence and OFFENCE.

To be a sniper you have to hit something, and on your first shot.

Try a mouse to get your aim down, you can't do it with your keyboard.

And most important, DON"T CAMP!  I can't stress that enough.

Always be in motion, forget about Newton's First Law of Inertia;

the only force that will make you move in a computer game is a rocket

being rammed up your ass!


Please Email All Complaints (which will be many),

suggestions and questions about anything, including

this quiz and its results to krustykorp@hotmail.com